head, heart, and hormones

when i started writting this blog, i didnt really have a particular topicin mind. I stil ldont really but i guess i'll just see where i end up. i have had a number of guys in my life. Nothing serious and nothing worth talking about. sexually or otherwise. All my life i was always trying to catch up to thr girls around me. I would pretend to like someone just for the sake of saying that yeah this guy is into me or yeah lets talk about how romantic my life is. I didnt mean to pretend and for most of the time i actually thought i might be in love. Ive noticed two problems when it comes to my love life. or lack thereof. first of all, when i find out someone is into me i automatically feel like im into that person as well even if deep down i really am not. The relationship starts off well. lots of flirting and talking and then i get bored. and i sever all forms of communication. i have done this to numeous guys and i have no idea why i do it. I cant seem to form meaningful relationships with other people. The secon problem i have is that when i find someone i like all effort i cant seem to get my mind off tht person and i do anything to ba able to be around that person and to feel like that person likes me to. take for example Tesh and Damien. Both very good mysterious guy gonig for him. the dark broody guy that i know just wants to be loved. and then there is tesh the handsome fellow who takes cares of people when thery are dtunk at parties and very very handsome. Did i say that already? lol.. anyway, i liked D since before the party my friends and I threw and he came and he said somethings in his drunken state that made me feel all giddy inside. Tesh on the other was also there at the party and boy did i like being with him. Hes more agressive and i could tell both of us were feeling the chemistry. almost made out if other people didnt come walking into the room. lol but yeah both good guys. both of them i really like none of which have even showed a hint of love towards me since the party. I mean come on! what is wrong with me. I know i couldnt probably have any of these guys since i dont really have any time to hang out with them but still i cant get them BOTH out of my head. And theres another problem if tyou think about it. seriously why i cant i just pick one? am i just in love with the possibility that one of them moght like me and thus i pursue them both? does anybody but me even do that? am i so hungry for love that i take whatever comes? I dont know what i want and i also think i want everything. I dont know myself i guess. that the main problem. I keep looking for someone to complete me. To fill this empty void in my life when deep down i know that to be in a healthy realtionship i must first be whole. my mind knows this but how do i tell my heart. or better yet, my hormones hahaha